Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Samurai Revisited: Theoretical to Theatrical

“What NONSENSE!” thunders Vinay Avasthi,
These morons have made e-business a travesty,
Idiots are running all the Internet business,
None with intelligence, it’s plain craziness.

What I’ll do, I’ll finally start ARRIVING,
Gonna stop my mindless cross-country driving,
Will set up my new business, with new criteria,
You guys want in? Have any good idea?

Milind: Yes, Yes. Washington taught me many new skills,
With these stupid environment laws, you can make a few kills,
Though my business acumen makes my family go pale,
My only real problem is- I don’t know how to scale!

How market leaders take the monopoly way,
Shiva got business ethics from MS the hard way,
In competitive marketing, I can show you the way,
Boycott canteen, eating out daily is the only way!

Swapnajit complains, yaar this is simply not fair,
I just want a Thesis idea, and no one seems to care?
I will join as soon as my proposal is finalised,
And will ask the prof how yours should be crystallized!

Srini grins, Sorry guys, I woke up late,
Yes, social media, twitter can open up a floodgate
Intel from fourth estate to data mining can be our spectrum
And ‘Early to bed early to rise’ should be our dictum!

Vinayan: You see, just what I was afraid of,
Corruption! Even before your business has taken off!
You are already following a corrupt method
All this estate, mining, spectrum, will go the Vigilance road!
Habeeb: So So So and So, whatever it is that you wish,
Tell us in two lines; don’t beat about the bush,
I can well be a part of your paraphernalia
As soon as I sort out my Europe and Australia!

Rohit: It’s just a problem of project management,
Put it all into a PERT/CPM arrangement
I don’t mind becoming your consultant,
As long as my profit is a sure resultant!

Getting rich is what sets Tarit on fire,
Other than jalebis I have just one secret desire,
But surely I’ll join your Corporation,
If for the above secret desire, I get your cooperation!

What nonsense! Avasthi thunders,
How can I work with these idiots, he wonders,
They don’t have even one chance out of five,
Hell with them, I’m going on a cross country drive!

Written between 1100 and 1140 on 4th Dec 2013 in Room 213 IIM Indore
(Thesis presentation of the FPM I Guy)
By Vinayan J

Monday, December 2, 2013

Class 1 Officers

I am currently at one of the "premier" management institutes of India doing my course work. Yesterday, late night, I was sitting in the lobby of the places where I am staying, three elderly gentlemen walked into the lobby and an interesting conversation ensued.

Elderly Gentleman 1 : Get me some tea!
Reception Man: Sir, this is late at night, almost the dinner time, there is no tea.
EG1: Tea has no time!
RM: I am sorry sir

EG2: क्या यार, क्लॉस वन ऑफिसर को चाय कैसे नहीं मिलेगा। (How can a class 1 officer not get tea)
RM: Nobody is there in kitchen, you can get tea only in the morning

EG3: At what time will I get tea in the morning
RM: Between 6-7 the tea is served in cafeteria

EG1: रूम में नहीं मिलेगा। Won't I get it in my room
RM: No sir, the team is served in cafeteria

EG2: क्या हाल है, क्लास वन ऑफिसर को चाय के लिये भी इधर उधर भागना पड़ता है।

At this time I had almost had enough of this class one officer business when one of those gentlemen turned towards me. From my dress, I looked like waiter of a highway dhaba.

EG1: पेपर किधर है।
Me: मैं तो पेपर को एक महीने से ढूँढ रहा हूं, आपको मिल जाये तो मुझे भी बता देना।

At the end of this conversation, I am thinking why have these guys been sent to a management school by the government. I am sure they have no interest in learning anything here. They are already missing their class 1 officer status. Let them enjoy it in their place of work and leave this management institute alone.